A L I E N

NZ

2012-01-13T12:41:00.001+08:00

I'm going to New Zealaaaannndddddd eeeeeeepppp (+ Melbourne).
:DDDDD

The Best

2011-12-15T13:03:00.001+08:00

Had the best 21st birthday this year.
Have the best mates around.
Having the best kind of life right now.
Just so happy. :)

Weekends

2011-11-29T13:26:00.001+08:00

Spent all weekend not at home, drinking acai berry vodka with water and lemon, sculling champagne, losing my phone, vomiting in his bed and on Mel, passing out while everyone partied, jolting out of bed at 4 in the morning having to be told what happened the night before, finding my bag under his car, giggity, getting cider on our way to pick up my phone from the best girl who found it and kept it for me (thanks Universe for sending my good karma back my way!), having Jap food with the girls, laying in bed, partying with the boys, getting turned upside down and flashing everyone multiple times, getting into a fight with the housemates, dancing like a silly person, getting piggyback rides, giggity, reluctantly getting up for work, not wearing any underwear the entire day (including at work), not feeling work at all, hanging in the park on my break, working some more, watching How I Met Your Mother and Peep Show, giggity, spending the night again, and finally going home on Monday morning.

Best kind of weekends.

mm

2011-11-12T18:13:00.001+08:00

hubba hubba

300th Post

2011-10-21T16:09:00.002+08:00

I've got the moves like Jagger.

And my heart guarded nice and strong.

Whatever happens, I'll be just fine.

P.S. Super excited for travels, be it small via car or big(ger) via plane.

Relationship Troubles

2011-10-06T15:03:00.000+08:00

Architecture is like a partner. We have been in a long term relationship (since I was 14 or 15). The initial years were more about infatuations and flirtations - so much attraction but so afraid to take the plunge. For a while, I even tried dating others (Engineering in NUS), but realised my heart still belonged to Architecture, so finally in 2009, I decided to commit. It has been close to 2.5 years now and definitely a rocky journey. A love-hate relationship - the highs make life insanely wonderful and the lows make life a complete bitch. We have grown and learned together, and also fought and cried many a time. He has become such an integral part of my life that he pretty much stays on my mind 24/7, and when I get some time to myself without having to think about him, I feel guilty, almost like I'm cheating.

I cannot imagine my life without Architecture. I know that he is what I want to be doing (hehe, sex pun) for the rest of my life. However, I do need a break right now. It is just not working at present, and I have started to resent him. I want to punch him in the face, yell at him, and abuse the crap out of him, which is why I feel it best we took a break. Not a breakup, but just a break. Just for a while, to get some space from each other, find our grounding again. I need to take a step back, rekindle memories and realise how much I do love him. I NEED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ARCHITECTURE ALL OVER AGAIN.

I don't want to force myself to complete this semester's studio and barely pass. I want to be able to love what I design and produce great work that I am proud of. I really think this is the best decision for now and I will bear the consequences, even if they come bite me in the ass later on. But hey, if we are meant to be, things will work out eventually, right? I will make it work; I know he is the one. But right now, I just need my space. It's not you, it's me.

Lovely

2011-10-02T18:14:00.003+08:00

That actually makes me feel sick in my stomach. The more I think about it, the more disgusted I feel. I do not deserve to be spoken to in that way. Icing on the cake for sure.

Waste

2011-09-29T13:33:00.002+08:00

Tumblrs that have infinite posts on the one page are dangerous. Time to get cracking with studio work. Only 5 weeks to go starting next week, and a whole lot of catching up with all my units.

And, pretty much travelling at the end of the year. I decided that I will be going no matter what. Angela, you better bloody hell join me! :D

Won't you take me to funky town

2011-09-25T16:20:00.002+08:00

Had a major funk of a week. And not the good kind of funk. The kind of funk that zaps your energy and spirit. The kind of funk that doesn't let you get up in the morning. The kind of funk that doesn't let you focus on your present. The kind of funk that makes you want to be invisible, escape the world for a while.

Rush

2011-09-20T13:49:00.000+08:00

I feel the need to do something crazy, something that will pump my adrenaline. I'm sick of everyday life, mundane living. I want to travel the world with no plans, go sky diving, bungee jump, ride insane roller coasters, get more tattoos, anything... anything to make me feel ALIVE.

Take Your Pick

2011-09-17T12:09:00.004+08:00

"lonely adds to solitary a suggestion of longing for companionship, while lonesome heightens the suggestion of sadness; forlorn and desolate are even more isolated and sad"
(source: dictionary.com)

Intervention

2011-09-14T17:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, this is serious business. Time to buck up and work hard or fail. Simple as that. I just deactivated my facebook account because it was too big a distraction. No more mucking around now. No fucking way I am going to fail and repeat a whole semester. NO WAY. This is an intervention. The slacking and procrastinating has got to stop. All other non-architecture-related thoughts have to be shoved into an airtight container in the dark corner of my mind. This is important, this is my future, this is now. Only 1 week til jury, then after the semester break, 5 weeks til folio. 5 fucking weeks, that is all - and such a large scale building project.
From this moment on, we give up our lives for architecture (at least for the next few weeks). This is it. Do it or die.

Dear Future Adele

2011-09-13T11:32:00.000+08:00

This is a reminder to my future self (when/if I am in a committed relationship):

I will not be one of those girls who stops seeing her friends.
I will not be one of those girls who bails on her friends at the last minute because something "came up" with her boyfriend.
I will not be one of those girls whose life revolves around her boyfriend, such that she only make plans with others only when her boyfriend is unavailable.
I will be a strong, independent individual (just part of something more).
I will not be a pushover and change my life just to suit them.
I WILL NOT BE JEALOUS, PSYCHO, PARANOID, OBSESSIVE.
I will not over-analyse situations and nitpick.
I will not be one of those girls whose profile pictures on facebook are ALL with her boyfriend.
I will not use facebook publicly as our means of communication (You are so sexy, I love you, etc.).
I will not become a grandma.
I will make sure we both still have our separate lives and hang out with our separate friends, separately.
I will not be one of those girls who gets angry and upset at her boyfriend but says "I'm fine," and then freezes them out completely.
I will not let us be one of those couples that fights all the time, even when they go out with friends, making life difficult for everyone around.

This is my list for the moment, can't think of anything else.
I will read this list over and over.
Come slap me if I ever break any one of these reminders.

Enchanted Forest

2011-09-12T17:30:00.001+08:00

I don't know why the cameras all fail to capture the colour's vibrancy properly... It's green! It's green! It's greeeeeen! I love it.
P.S. I looked at 'forest' and typed in an extra 'r' to see if it looked right. Pretty sure 'forest' only has one 'r', right? Yikes, back to kindergarten for me...

on the radio

2011-09-05T12:22:00.000+08:00

this is how it works/
you peer inside yourself/
you take the things you like/
and try to love the things you took/
and then you take that love you made/
and stick it into some/
someone else's heart/
pumping someone else's blood/
(and walking arm in arm/
you hope it don't get harmed/
but even if it does/
you'll just do it all again)

Screwed

2011-08-29T03:46:00.000+08:00

Past sleep hours, my body goes into power saving mode. Work continues in s l o o o w w w w m o .

2 shots of coffee, baileys on the rocks, 2 cans of red bull + vodka, and yet I am still tired. Seriously, caffeine? Can't you do better?

herp derp

2011-08-27T13:16:00.000+08:00

not sure how i am gonna get everything done. and working tonight. might have to finish up the remaining vodka tonight after work and then no sleep for 2 nights. or something like that. stress. stressing. stresses. stressed. streeeeesssssssss.

stressssss

2011-08-26T22:04:00.002+08:00

Eating pizza and drinking vodka out of stress. Not good.

Cold Mornings - Sleep

2011-08-26T05:59:00.000+08:00

Drinking hot soup and wearing 2 beanies, trying to keep warm whilst I work on my plans in autoCAD. Right now I hate myself for not working harder from the start. Not looking forward to this full day ahead including work at night on only a few hours of sleep. Major submission due on Monday - not sure how I am going to get everything done. Send a miracle my way please.

Even so, all I can think of is sleep and not doing anything. Slap it out of me please. Instant gratification is only chosen by kids with low IQ!

PS I just 'ctrl-S'ed this blog post. Time to get back to CAD.

Last Month

2011-08-23T18:29:00.000+08:00

Exactly one month ago today, right at this moment, we would have been driving to Challenge Stadium to see Break Even, Sick of it all, and Rise Against. We would have had amazing-I-want-some-now veggie burgers from Grill'd in our bellies and then regretting finishing the entire burger in anticipation of moshing and being squished.

I would have had no clue as to the events that would unfold later that night. What an insanely amazing night, including what came out from it. Today, at this moment, I am just thankful and happy. (:

Dreamland

2011-08-22T09:36:00.002+08:00

Oh hi, dreamt of you last night. (:

coughs, colds and the blues

2011-08-20T09:19:00.000+08:00

chicken soup (for the soul)

Full

2011-08-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

So fucking full from chicken + mash from work. Yum.
And I can't believe I'm sick again after all the fucking pills and gross algae shit I take each day.
Need to get better now.
Need to do lots of fucking studio work.
Need to need to need toooooo.

Tea without the Tea

2011-08-17T16:12:00.000+08:00

Peanut butter + jam cruskit on my new fair plate as an afternoon snack. Buy fair trade!

Numb

2011-08-16T19:59:00.000+08:00

Don't grab
Don't clutch
Don't hope for too much

Don't check
Just balance on the fence
Don't answer
Don't ask
Don't try and make sense

Don't project
Don't connect
Protect
Don't expect
Suggest

Slowed

2011-08-11T21:35:00.002+08:00

Every semester I forget all over again just how long drawings and models take to create.

Smiley Face

2011-08-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

naaaawww :D

This Week

2011-08-07T10:05:00.000+08:00

Got a tattoo and quit my second job - a productive week I say.

Studio

2011-08-04T18:08:00.000+08:00

YES YES YES YES YES I've got a proper studio room f.i.n.a.l.l.y... after a year of shitty tute rooms that are completely useless for having studio sessions in. This makes me sooooooo happy! Cannot wait to dive into this semester!
Oh Architecture, I have missed you. Be kind to me this semester?

zzz

2011-07-31T01:23:00.000+08:00

Face gradually turning to stone from honey almond mask from Lush.
So glad today's (7 + 5)hours of work is over.
Time for sleep before tomorrow's lunch shift. ):

:D

2011-07-28T13:22:00.001+08:00

just :D

Saviour

2011-07-24T21:01:00.000+08:00

O M G meeting Rise Against last night (!!) Say whaaaaaaat?! Best night everrrrr (after meeting Dom... and maybe equivalent to squeezing Jared's ass)
hee hee such a fan girl.

Rest

2011-07-22T15:31:00.000+08:00

It's raining and gloomy outside; I'm sick and in bed.
I don't want to go to work, but I've got to get my ass out of bed, hop into the shower, and get dressed.
Tomorrow is Rise Against - I hope I don't get a heart attack and die in the moshpit.

PS Please just go away already, cough and cold.

Work

2011-07-10T22:12:00.000+08:00

Show waiters/waitresses respect because we bloody work hard for our money. And it takes skills. That is all.

Room / Gallop

2011-06-26T23:07:00.001+08:00

Photo post!
Set #1 Snippets of my room (still not done up fully yet)
Set #2 Gallop and bestfriend Meadow's joint birthday celebration with customised birthday hats (this was in feb. so long overdue oops.)

aren't they the cutest. naww.

homes in the south of france

2011-06-10T20:14:00.002+08:00

maybe i wanna do what bunnies do with you if you know what i mean

done

2011-06-05T01:51:00.000+08:00

yaay folio day has come and gone and this has been the first one where i managed to finish everything i wanted to show (apart from not a great model) and i actually feel proud of what i'd done. very happy. i don't care whether i do well or not. the important thing is i like what i did.

but i have still not caught up on the past week's sleep deficiency, so good night world!

Just dropping by to say hi

2011-05-28T13:11:00.001+08:00

J, please get out of my head. I need to focus on my folio.

P.S Sorry for neglecting you blog but things have been crazy hectic lately. Only one more week to go! (+ first and only exam to study for after) then I'll give you the attention you deserve.

Mickey Blue Eyes

2011-05-22T22:40:00.002+08:00

Hi Matt Bellamy lookalike, I think you're cute. Very cute.

Week Break

2011-04-19T22:26:00.001+08:00

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO:
garden party, clubbing, dunsborough, moving
THINGS THAT WILL SUCK:
history essay, digital assignment, packing, moving

I am gonna miss this house (sobz). A third of my life has been spent here. 7 years in chuan park, 7 in park villas, and 7 in murdoch. Moving (both meanings) post to come soon.

:'(

2011-04-12T01:09:00.000+08:00

We study architecture because we are self-loathing maniacs who enjoy torturing ourselves. We revel in second guessing ourselves and widely encourage others to attack what we do. The 'crit' - most important process of designing, is short for criticizing. Oh clever and great tutor, please criticize my work. I want you to make me feel like shit, please. Wtf.

long hours

2011-04-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

using my student number and password to log into hotmail = spending too much time on the computer for tech purposes

please be over soon, tech. you suck up way too much energy + make my eyes, back, wrist, and head ache A LOT.

sleep time now after a full day at the computer (9am-1130pm), only to repeat it all over again tmr. :'(

hahhaha

2011-03-29T16:06:00.000+08:00

heeheehee too funny.

clench

2011-03-24T01:32:00.001+08:00

My jaw is aching as I work on my submissions for ~~tomorrow~~ today. You know the feeling of it being so tight you need to clench your jaw and bite down really hard.?

gigs/stress (unrelated)

2011-03-18T21:20:00.000+08:00

+ iron maiden + 30stm (again) + queens of the stone age + slash + heard snippets of one day as a lion + new found glory (cannot recognise the songs anymore) + bullet for my valentine. on top of that, getting paid + free drinks. but so exhausting. semi-win.

stressed max by uni atm - submission #1 due on thursday. giving me headaches, and gastric pains. weekend has to be a super productive one (minus city for a bit tmr, and shops to get more markers).

and seeing rise against (again) in july. win.win.win.win.win!

Trust and Love

2011-02-23T00:49:00.000+08:00

I am a naturally reserved and private person. It takes me a long time before I open up to others. And it takes even longer to trust. And yet longer to love. I only felt like I love my parents a few years ago, and I can certainly count on one hand the number of times I have told them I love you. But once you make it into my heart, I give all I can. I make sacrifices and all my walls come down. I am nakedly honest and that love starts to emerge.

But as soon as I am betrayed, the walls come up before I can even comprehend. And no amount of forgiveness and understanding can break these walls. My heart sucks back all the love I had given out previously, guards itself, and needless to say, the trust disappears. You become an acquaintance to me. I will be polite - no doubt about that - but that is as far as it goes. No more inner thoughts and inside jokes. No more vulnerable confiding.

It scares me how fast I can put my guard up again, but that's just the way I am. If I love, I give everything, but you break me and you get nothing.

Time to move forward and leave broken relationships behind.

Valentine's

2011-02-15T03:08:00.000+08:00

My Valentine's date this year?
Mr. Toilet Bowl.
I ate way too many prunes hahaha. Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy a good dump but um I'm ready to stop now, thanks.

Grandma

2011-02-11T00:27:00.000+08:00

Sitting on the couch in glasses, hair in a bun, knitting, The Dr. Oz Show in the background, bowl of porridge : what grannies do.

Jen's Gaga Party

2011-02-03T18:55:00.000+08:00

I like the last photo cos I look so tanned and skinny in the background haha.
Pretty proud of my DIY effort. + please excuse my fat arms - still working on them via swimming. kthxbye.

Hi

2011-01-27T01:49:00.000+08:00

Hello, it's been a while. Life has been swimming, dog shelter volunteering, tv-watching, dress-making, driving, eating, sleeping, and boozing - all in small doses, accompanied by large doses of nothingness. Cannot wait for deep structure to set in.

it's a girl

2011-01-03T22:26:00.000+08:00

my first dream of 2011 was me giving birth to a baby girl. and i named her "silly" i think.
wtf.

2011

2011-01-03T00:39:00.000+08:00

Hi 2011, nice to meet you.
I really think we will get along and become best mates.
And even though I am skeptical of new year's resolutions, I have a list stashed away in my 2011 planner.
Here's to an organised and productive year filled with love and generosity.
x

m.m.m.use

2010-12-21T19:42:00.002+08:00

ahhh my dear sweet muse. they were amazing (how can they possibly not be?).
extremely grateful for:

bliss, newborn, hysteria, stockholm syndrome, feeling good, and the MANY MANY riffs they did.
MATT THRASHING SANTA !! (his gliteratti 2.0)
the people at the front who let me get to the barricade (musers are the best fans (minus twihard kids) - last year: random dude carrying me to see the stage + people going aww you're so little, and wanting to make way for me to get to the front; this year: moving out of the way and letting me get to the barricade).
experiencing the insane tower stage.

looking back at all their gigs i have attended so far, i really wish i could've experienced the '07 perth one once again - B&H, CE, FURY (!!!1) and i'm so glad i saw them in singapore this year cos i somehow enjoyed the resistance songs a loooot more + got to experience MKU + US, which are the best songs of the album imo, and sooo good live.

anyways, gonna note all the muse songs i've been privileged enough to have experienced live over the years. more to come in approximately 3 years i think.

SHOWBIZ: Sunburn
ORIGIN OF SYMMETRY: New Born, Bliss, Plug in Baby, Citizen Erased, Feeling Good.
ABSOLUTION: Apocalypse Please, Time is Running Out, Stockholm Syndrome, Interlude, Hysteria, Butterflies & Hurricanes.
BLACK HOLES & REVELATIONS: Take a Bow, Starlight, Supermassive Black Hole, Map of the Problematique, Soldier's Poem, Invincible, Knights of Cydonia.
THE RESISTANCE: Uprising, Resistance, Undisclosed Desires, United States of Eurasia, Guiding Light, Unnatural Selection, MK Ultra, Exogenesis Part 1 Overture.
MISC: Fury, Nishe, Helsinki Jam, We are the Universe, +++ lots of other riffs & jams.

i think that's everything over the 4 gigs i've attended. stockholm has got to be my favourite live.

man, i love muse sooooooo much. sobzz.

muse?

2010-12-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

oh mi god i don't know whether i should airport stalk muse!!
they either arrive tomorrow or friday and flights arrive every hour!

pros:
good chance of photos/autographs IF i do meet them
i am free
it's muse

cons:
they could arrive on either day
boring/waste of time(ish) waiting around
i'd be alone (eep)
i might not meet them

i supposed if i wanted to guarantee i'd meet them i'd have to arrive at the airport tomorrow morning and just stay on til i see them.
bahhh i can't decide!! on the one hand it's kinda mad waiting for 20 hours, but on the other i don't want to regret anything.

Dollar

2010-12-06T02:09:00.000+08:00

Do you have a dollar
Do you have a dollar for me
Have you got a house on a hill
And a bed for three
Do you have a story
Do you have a story for me
Maybe just an hour or two
And a pot of tea
Have you got a memory
Have you got a memory for me
Have you got a little old house
And a lemon tree
Do you have a reason
Do you have a reason for me
Can I be the girl that you met

Can I be the girl that you met in the coin laundry

We Meet Again

2010-12-04T00:49:00.000+08:00

Hi, I just want to let you know that I've not forgotten you. Thing(s) on my mind lately: tattoos, more tattoos, and yet more tattoos.
I cannot wait to get my horse piece, despite the wait being ultimately to the infinite timeline of the future. (Will she even come back to Perth for sure?) The tattoo on my wrist is the answer.
I've also been thinking about other tattoos and I know I definitely want to get my surname in its traditional Chinese character form. As for placement I'm not sure - nape of neck / behind ear / below collarbone / elsewhere? I also want to get lyrics. Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, but I'll have to sit with that for awhile longer lest I change my mind.
1. Fix you has always felt like my song, and has pulled me through the tough times. Like when Shadow died, I listened to it endlessly; the other moments have all involved leaving people behind / difficult moments. But the sweetness comes in the line I want to get - because everything works out in the end. Whatever / whoever the form, lights will appear to guide you home. And I will try to fix you. And I will be fixed.
2. The other idea I came up with was Every little thing is gonna be alright, from Bob Marley's Three Little Birds, with the tattoo incorporating three birds. The significance lies in Jason Mraz's Singfest performance in which we all sang along to this. It reminds me of freeing times, a world (a life to lead) in which you can be carefree and you can be yourself and let go completely with no worries whatsoever. Singfest was definitely one of the highlights of my entire life, and the emotional high I experienced simply magical (100% natural - no drugs/alcohol/etc.).
3. Never fade away from Muse's Starlight. I looked through all of Muse's songs' lyrics to find something suitable. The meaning of the line is pretty straightforward, but the greater significance lies in commemorating Muse and all the live concerts + moments shared with people who appreciate them as much as I do.
(Live concerts are so significant to me because I feel like that is truly the only moment where I can be myself completely without having to be under the influence of anything. And the way everyone is so close and connected despite being complete strangers gives me faith in humanity. Also having gone through so many of them, I know just how strong the human spirit is and how much it can withstand and how much stronger I really am than I give myself credit for.)

For now I'm definitely leaning towards option 1 because that has the most significance to me and I don't want too many wordy tattoos on me. So a line of lyrics + my existing hope will suffice. Everything else will be images. Afterall it is art and fluid and my self-expression.

The downside is I won't be able to give blood for 6 months after getting a tattoo. So, sorry Red Cross but I'll have to skip 2 sessions once I get my tattoo.

Simpler Times

2010-11-27T01:26:00.000+08:00

I've got Coin Laundry playing on repeat in my head these lazy days.

A major progression on my part has been wearing a sleeveless top out (at night). It was great because
a.) No one cared.
b.) I didn't care.
c.) A parallel scenario in which my arms were covered would have produced the same night of events.
I shall start wearing sleeveless tops more often.

I've also been thinking about going back to swimming, but leisurely for exercise. The only thing that has been standing between me and the pool these past couple of years is my body. But honestly, why should I care? If I don't then the whole world's concerns isn't even enough to affect that. And so what about my fats, scars, cellulite, boobs, etc. - all my concerns, mine and mine to worry/not worry about.

Is this what they mean by growing up/finding yourself/etc.? And when something terrible happens I cry, then I pick myself up and keep going. I'm moving forward to the old simpler times of carefree (relatively) living and I like it.

Goodbye to Love

2010-11-21T20:10:00.000+08:00

I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
And all I know of love is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it

So I've made my mind up
I must live my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known

I'd say goodbye to love
There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for

All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can

What lies in the future is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong
But for now this is my song

And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love

w o w

2010-11-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

I just can't seem to catch a break. And I know I've been saying the same thing over and over but this time I really do mean it. I am done. Even though I may not have reacted that dramatically, inside my jaw unhinged to the ground. Words that describe you/the situation/your actions: conniving, appalling, despicable. All I can say is I will never be dumb enough to step into a similar web in the future. And knowing that you were capable of this makes me question your character, as well as my association with you. Do I really need someone like that in my life? Thumbs up for honesty though, you asshole.

The Twits

2010-11-18T00:37:00.000+08:00

Revelling in the wonderful world of Mr. Roald Dahl to nostalgic peaks.

done for the year

2010-10-30T13:45:00.002+08:00

with the exception of a review due next friday, i'm done for the semester. not even gonna talk about it. just gonna move on and aim for a better one next year. 3 semesters down, 3 to go. and then some.
feels nice to be able to watch tv without feeling mad guilty.

screwdriver

2010-10-17T16:56:00.001+08:00

My new thing is orange juice (fresh from the garden) + vodka.

Zero motivation whatsoever to do studio work even though folio is due in just under 2 weeks. Hope this helps. Don't question the logic behind it.

webcam

2010-10-14T21:50:00.000+08:00

I AM ALIEN. HEAR ME ROAR.

I DISMEMBER YOUR SOUL.
RAWRRRRRRRRR.

LOOK, I IZ SHORT HAIR.

weekend

2010-10-11T23:02:00.000+08:00

awesome awesome night out on the weekend.
now to focus on the last 2.5 weeks of uni. urgghhh folio week is the week after next. don't kill me plz.

god schmod

2010-10-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

what the fuck is up with all these people quoting the bible and thanking god for the things that happen in their lives and leaving it up to god etc etc.
good things happen because YOU physically accomplish them, because YOU made a conscious effort to pursue them, because YOU believed in yourself.
bad things happen because they just do. nothing is ever smooth sailing all the way. ups and downs HAPPEN. not because god is testing you.
and you pull through these things not because you passed god's test, but because YOU are strong and YOU are capable of handling situations so YOU did.
sheesh. for all you know, the bible was written by guys that were high with super vivid imagination. in those days, people did get high all the time, they just didn't quite realise what was happening, and thought of them as miracles. just sayin'.

sanaa

2010-10-06T22:16:00.002+08:00

ZOMGGGGG I'M GETTING SANAA EL CROQUIS SUPER EXCITEZZZ CANNOT WAIT!!!111

whopper

2010-10-06T15:21:00.001+08:00

the whopper i had for lunch didn't even register in my stomach what the hell.

drop bad habits

2010-09-29T13:00:00.000+08:00

okay, i think i'm ready to move on and focus on uni now. i've got to drop these nasty habits of procrastination and negativity.
got to develop more more more willpower and self-discipline and form good habits. AND STOP WASTING MY DAYS AWAY.
i shall hang my laundry out in the sun, walk/run gallop, shower, work on studio & some tech.
then, i'll create a plan, change my sheets, put away my clothes, and apply for jobs.
doable? very doable.

i hate boys

2010-09-27T13:38:00.000+08:00

so i hate boys. i'm sick of trying and hoping. it really shouldn't have to be this difficult at all. and i do believe what you(s) have been saying about what i deserve. i do deserve better. so i'm going to shut myself off once again. no more acceptance. power off. goodbye.

essay writing end

2010-09-24T17:45:00.000+08:00

2574
+referenced
+abstracted
+bibliographied
+submitted

nap + clubbing tonight (Y)

essay writing 4

2010-09-24T11:44:00.000+08:00

2526
+sushiiii
+3 hours to go

essay writing 3

2010-09-24T09:33:00.002+08:00

1972
+ 3 hours of sleep

essay in progress 2

2010-09-22T14:13:00.001+08:00

717

essay in progress

2010-09-21T17:53:00.001+08:00

essay writing - go.
132

unright

2010-09-19T23:49:00.000+08:00

i don't know what is wrong with me lately. i feel zero sense of motivation. i skipped my last 3 studio classes. am contemplating going for tomorrow's one because i haven't done much work yet, even though i know i should should should go. it's like i don't care. and i don't care that i don't care even when i know i should care. like i just keep procrastinating not because i am lazy but because i don't care. and i will do it right at the very last minute because i can't possibly not have anything to hand up. i feel so down and tired of school. i'm tired of the immense workload. i'm tired of the way the work is spread out, like insane amount of work one week, then nothing the next. it's so stressful, like only living in the extremes and never in the level ground. and i'm tired of everything. i've put on weight recently too and i hate it. it's a sickly void inside, and i feel like crying, yet there are no tears. in fact, i haven't cried in a really long time. i wish i could. it would be nice to have stormy weather, and to take a hot bath, and to just cry. and not have anything to worry about, i.e studio. i hope this phase passes soon. i really am sick and tired of it all.

amahzing

2010-09-13T00:26:00.001+08:00

me and architecture, architecture and me

2010-09-12T03:08:00.002+08:00

My first love is architecture. And I am so needy and dependent on it - being happy or depressed depends on my relationship with it. At the moment it's a love-hate relationship. I work like a mad woman, I get no sleep, I hate it. I get a good crit, I love it. I cannot produce good drawings, I hate it. I design something I am proud of, I love it. The workload is disgustingly immense, I hate it. Working through an assignment and the end is in sight, I love it. I'm guessing it will forever be this way, even when I start to practice, but hopefully in the future the love part emerges more often.

moment

2010-08-31T12:59:00.000+08:00

I felt like there was a moment between us.
Did you feel it too?
x

the bear

2010-08-27T23:36:00.002+08:00

aww

not much to say

2010-08-24T23:03:00.003+08:00

still busy busy busy working on my projects.
uhmmm i don't have much to say really.
my mind's been 100% with archi; no time to think about anything else.
need.to.get.money.somehow.
+ just got my professional archi drawing table (YAY)
had interesting (realistic) dreams last night.
and i think i'm going to sleep soon.
wow this was such a pointless and boring entry!
anyhows. x

hectic

2010-08-18T23:51:00.004+08:00

Life has been hectic. Architecture never picks up the pace it starts in full swing, hits you like a rock. A.lot.of.work.to.do.everyday.
But it's good. Site visit tomorrow.
And last week was our dinner vision, which surprisingly came together really well. It was a huge success I must say.

discipline

2010-08-07T21:28:00.002+08:00

what the fuckkkkk is your fucking problem woman?!!!!
do your fucking work and stop horsing around!!!
all-nighters are avoidable with enough discipline and organisation so fucking use your time wisely!
plus you want to work and study at the same time?!
do it do it do it!!!!!
imma kick your fucking fat ass sooooon!!!

For the Passion

2010-08-05T21:52:00.008+08:00

This is why I do what I do.

The Third & The Seventh from Alex Roman

pain

2010-08-02T21:42:00.002+08:00

how do i explain this so i don't appear too creepy?
when my mood turns sour, i like to experience some form of physical drainage..
some kind of escape through the focused sensations that are purely physical.
in short, something like pain helps me get through hard times.
so i guess it's a good thing my blood donation is tomorrow.

melancholy

2010-08-01T17:31:00.001+08:00

too much black bile

jared leto

2010-07-25T12:27:00.001+08:00

I held Jared Leto's hand and squeezed his butt more than once (:

heh heh

2010-07-13T01:14:00.003+08:00

hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh
hehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehhehheh

Tattoo Artist

2010-07-11T13:52:00.004+08:00

I found my tattoo artist for my ribcage horse tatt. And by found I mean I know I want her to do my tatt for me. Unfortunately, she's from Italy and has just left Perth (as guest artist) so I'll have to wait til next year for her to return.

But I will wait. Her works are unbelievably stunning. The skill, level of detail, colour palette... mindblowing! It feels like her style is exactly what I've been looking for. So excitezzz!

Fran from BizarreTattoos

Zen with a capital Z

2010-07-06T11:26:00.005+08:00

I am quite amazed at my current dedication to Bikram Yoga (aka Hot Yoga); the phrase pleasantly surprised comes to mind. After months of idling away, I am finally exercising again and literally sweating buckets whilst doing so. It feels gooood.
And I passed my driving test yesterday! Now to clock 25 hours of practice in 6 months then I'll be able to officially get my licence. I know, I know, I waited so long but the bottom line is I'm going to get my licence so yeyy.
Even though I really wanted to get a job this holidays, I spent the majority of it learning driving, and doing yoga, and walking Gallop daily. Plus the bestfriend comes to stay in 2 weeks, so overall I must say it has been a rather productive uni break and I am pleased with myself, especially given my track record of wasting away during extended breaks.
Veh Naicee

ms. bestfriend

2010-06-18T22:58:00.003+08:00

Hi Mrs. SOH-LAI-MUN!

I miss you.
Happy to be seeing you soon.

sighs and sads

2010-06-18T22:21:00.002+08:00

I didn't want to write about archi, but it's been bugging me these few days so better to force it out into the cosmos and then move on.

Incompetent - is how I felt/feel about my 'talent' in archi. Everyone produces such great designs/drawings/models, and mine feels sorely inferior to the majority. In the middle of my projects I get excited imagining the end result, the quality work I can submit, but when the real thing arrives, it is ugly and I hate it.

I feel like I try so hard but am just not good enough. And what if I REALLY just am not good enough. I mean, after all you can only put in so much effort, and the rest has to be from within - an active creative source inside. What if I don't have that creativity I want so much to be a proud owner of. This self doubt scares me greatly, which is why I keep emphasizing on the effort, and the work, and the things I can control.

I keep thinking I will get better. Of course I will, right? That's the whole point of the prolonged course duration - for you to grow and improve, right? But that sneaky self doubt will not butt out. What if I just lack the talent.

I need to stop obsessing over this. I will work hard, I will listen to tutors, I will improve. I will sketch, I will render, I will design til my head explodes. I will I will I will.

A while ago, I gave myself a backup plan. Not that I will ever have the need for it, but it feels better having that security blanket: double major in English and Art History.

Go away Plan B! I will persevere with archi. ~~Even if I'm not good~~ I won't know if I'm good enough until I try. And REALLY try. I guess I will find out in 4 years' time.

into the wild

2010-06-14T14:42:00.002+08:00

37 more days til bestfriend comes.
been going for driving lessons almost everyday, so hopefully within a month i can take the test and pass on the first go.
just got the sims 3 ambitions and am honestly kinda disappointed cos i was looking forward so much to the architect job.
still have not started running yet (fail) but i might be going for yoga lessons.
skin still very badzzz, but i started taking natural pills a la Dr. Gillian McKeith, so hopefully they start working soon.

in other news, i went out the other night to the casino, and had a few drinks. we were watching the USA vs. England match with a massive crowd. and i remember standing there feeling very bored, and thinking how much longer i'd have to stand there. mark went to sit with mel, and i was like dammit i wanna sit down tooo. and then my tummy started hurting again (cramps) and i remember thinking i want to take my pills but i didnt have water.. how am i going to take my pills. then suddenly i was out! i fainted, and its the first time in my life i fainted for realzzz. there was no warning i just went out. and a little while later, i opened my eyes to security asking if i was alright and giving me water and asking me to sit down. i still can't believe that happened. i think it was the dehydration + cramps. man, what a night!

nudeeee

2010-06-04T11:56:00.002+08:00

obsessed with nude and muted pastel-y colours. so whimsical and dainty.

recovery

2010-05-30T13:45:00.002+08:00

RECOVERY

grapes

5 min of how i met your mother

17 hours of sleep

hot chocolate

much needed real food

more how i met your mother

catching up with my virtual life

the sims world adventures

i am disappointed with myself this folio submission; i know i could have done so much better if i had just been more disciplined and organised.

NO MORE PROCRASTINATION. EVER. PERIOD.

sleep deprived

2010-05-27T19:11:00.002+08:00

ughhhh folio is due tomorrow.
up since 8:30am wednesday morning.
and ive got another all nighter to pull tonight,
so 2 all nighters in a row.
fucking tired and feeling so disgusting.
home now to shower and rest for a bit.
then back to the drawing board
+ model making.
hope i finish all i need to do kthxbye.

heart attack

2010-05-20T21:43:00.002+08:00

just had a mini heart attack calculating the time i'll need to finish up my folio.
1 hour to make 10 modules of my roof;
20 hours for the 200 or so modules
+ 12 drawings to do,
at 4 hours each = 48 hours
+ additional 4 hours to complete my model
+ 5 hours of photoshopping and layout,
= 77 hours
in 7 days..
requires me to work 11 hours per day

hence the mini heart attack.

The Home Stretch

2010-05-18T20:39:00.003+08:00

10 days to go.
I will push on, work hard, and survive.

bestfriend

2010-05-15T18:39:00.002+08:00

YEYYYYYYY BESTFRIEND IS COMING TO STAYYYYY
i cannot fucking wait man
and we'll see 30stm and kasabian
whoooop
and we can go opshopping
and have picnics in the parks and beaches
and walk around uni
and visit my studio
and drink lots of coffee and chai lattes
and window shop around freo and subi and claremont
and bundle up in the cold winter nights
and rent movies
and go clubbing
and talk and talk and talk
and laugh and laugh and laugh even more

eeeeppp, exciteddddd.
+ i only have 2 weeks of school left, which is good cos i get a break soon, but bad cos i need to start working extra hard to get everything done for folio.
oh yeah, and i haven't started running yet lolz.

solitaire

2010-05-03T22:28:00.002+08:00

i'd forgotten how much pleasure spider solitaire used to bring me;
i finally won after more than half an hour of playing.
i am going to wake up for an early run before school;
i found a 10 week program on the internet to build up enough stamina to run a straight 5k,
so i plan to stick it out for the next 10 weeks,
then hopefully the habit will just stick.
i'm sick of feeling like lard,
and crave the discipline of running,
plus the complete ability to control how my physical body responds to my mind and actions.

200th + Blood

2010-05-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

200th post today yay.
wow i can't really believe there have been so many posts, although they're mostly just rants i suppose.
anyway, blog i want you to know how special you are to me.
you are the only consistent in my life i know will always be there for me no matter the time of day and will never ever leave me.
i feel so comfortable with you and i feel like i can pretty much tell you anything, knowing you won't judge me.
i really cherish the relationship we have, blog.
i love you, blog!
ha ha but seriously blog does mean a whole lot to me.

today i donated blood, and i also arranged my next appointment in 12 weeks.
it was a good experience, no pain, and rewarding,
although half way through my donation the guy next to me started feeling faint, and the nurses rushed all around him and were like stay awake stay awake keep your eyes open can you hear me don't close your eyesssss and i was like shit wtfffff.
and then i thought i started feeling faint too, but it was all psychological and i was actually feeling perfectly fine.
i only felt tired the rest of the day, but besides that very fine.